Wow… So I went to bed angry at round 9:30 and fell asleep. At 11, I saw 4 texts, 1 missed call and a fb post all from derrick. then he called again and we had a decent convo without fighting for the first time. maybe I should be less available. :p interesting..
- When a person laughs too much, even on stupid things, that person is sad deep inside
- When a person sleeps a lot, that person is lonely
- When a person talks less and if he talks fast, that person is keeping a secret
- When a person can’t cry, that person is weak
- When a person eats in an abnormal way, that person is in tension
- When a person cries on little things, that person is softhearted
- When someone asks about you although that someone is busy, he/she really loves you
(Source: shyieesolove, via people-always-leave)
<3 the dress
(Source: livelovefashionandstuff, via babyitsthesimplethings)
song stuck in my head bc my sisters sing it constantly hahha
(via inthepinkcube)
I wish I was well spoken or well written.
I called him today. 10 minutes into our conversation, I was already getting angry. I was telling him I was watching my cousin’s wedding on dvd which was held in China. I told him about some of the differences I’ve observed in Chinese weddings vs. Western weddings.
In a traditional Chinese wedding, the wedding ceremony is held at an esteemed Chinese restaurant. Most of the people who are invited are relatives or friends of the parents. Where are the bride and grooms friends? Isn’ this day all about them? During the banquet, the wedding is taking place. There is a director who literally does all the directing during the wedding (e.g. Now, tell you husband you love him. Hug your parents. Tell you parents you love them. etc). There is no pre bachelors/bachelorette party, father-daughter dance, no vows (seriously, what is a wedding without vows?), no “I love you’s” from the heart. I’ve never witnessed a bride crying during her wedding. Everyone is as impersonal as it can get. It is full of rituals and traditions.
Then there is the most important part of the wedding, which is the the money giving and gold hanging. This is when each important or close relative gets called up and gives a “gift” of money or gold or even both in some instances. The director announces each and every present to the guests. The bride is draped with gold necklaces and bracelets while the groom gets his fair of jewelry and money.
I also stupidly told him (confided in him?) that we Asians (at least the ones I know within my community) still have this system of a dowry..However, it is the dowry is from the man to his bride’s family to demonstrate his ability to take care of their daughter and also as a gift (b/c you’re essentially taking her away from her parents). I don’t really know the real significance behind it, these are just my evaluations from what I’ve seen and understand about my culture. These dowries can range anywhere from $250,000 to 1 million (dependent on how well of the groom and his family is). He proceeded to tell me that he understands dowries but he didn’t know that we still practice “buying our wives” and it was ridiculous. Then he cracked some jokes about the topic which at that point I was just downright offended at everything he was saying. I became a shell of myself again and immediately shut down on the phone. I did not want to speak to him after his rude, disrespectful comments.
I told him I didn’t understand the dowries, but obviously it is a tradition in my culture as it is in plenty of other cultures worldwide. Obviously it plays a huge significance towards the binding of two families. In Asian cultures, they view marriage as the union of two families, not just two individuals. Perhaps that is why arranged marriages and marrying out of responsibility (instead of love) is still far more popular and the recommended route for Asian individuals.
Not only did he shoot down my observations of the differences between the weddings of Western (American) vs. Eastern (Chinese) cultures, he also managed to for lack of a better term, piss me off with his comment of “buying wives”. I know to some people, it may seem that way, as a business transaction (sometimes I feel this way too) however, he could’ve been more aware of his words and more respectful.
I feel like he has no respect for my culture. Is it ignorance or just plain disrespect? Am I just the Asian trophy girlfriend that he can show off or does he have some weird Asian fetish he needs to fulfill? Or does he truly love me, but is just too oblivious to our cultural differences and values, therefore he has to make assumptions based on stereotypes (most of which are wrong!!)?
He tells me he see no color and it’s the individual that counts, however no matter how hard I try, I’m constantly reminded of our cultural differences. From language barriers between our families, clashing values between us, differences in food tastes, the stares I get from people sometimes when I’m with him in public (yes, even in Melbourne), the way he sometimes jokes about my ethnicity sometimes with his family [I’m the oriental girl according to his father] and brothers in his fraternity (he’s dating an Asian blah blah blah) down to the very last core of skin color (he is Caucasian/white of European descent, I am 100% pure Asian/Chinese). Somehow I cannot get past all this. In fact, everything is magnified to a certain degree because I notice all these things. I’ve experienced everything from racism, prejudicism, classism (even in my natural born country), stereotyping to know how horrible and self deprecating it is. I work twice as hard to prove to people that I’m not that stereotype or that quiet, subdued Asian girl.
I wonder if he’s ever experienced being made fun (my name Xiao, although I have learned to accept it’s beauty) or looked down upon and treated differently simply just because of your skin color or shape of your eyes or the different holidays your family celebrates. He doesn’t see things the way I see them simply because of his in-experience.
I am super sensitive and I don’t know how to approach this topic with him especially since we already have abysmal communication in this relationship. I would love for him to just see my side of the story without judgement, however I know that is not possible the way we are going right now. I really think his age and ignorance is catching up to him.
I am a hybrid of two beautiful cultures and I love the person it’s shaped me into. I don’t want to be with someone who has no interest in my culture and feels the need to make jokes about it before thinking of the repercussions of his words. That to me is disrespecting everything that I am.
Everyday I find more faults and get more frustrated with this relationship and I am at loss for how to handle this.
edit: Another thought. My mom has always told me that if I dated someone white, my thoughts, feelings, and experiences will never be equal to or perhaps even more important than those of his. He will unconsciously look down upon me. I don’t believe that one bit, but the more I’m with him, the more I see him shooting down my ideas and feelings as if they are of little importance.
